As a human tendency, we go through a number of relationships through the course of life and learn a lot from each. These relationships might be between families or friends and so can they be between partners. The basic need for such relationships is to increase the utility of life and remove simple issues along with someone to discuss these issues with.
This is all very comforting and necessary for the modulation of human behavior but it goes down the hell hole when it starts to weigh you down. Sometimes the people that share these relationships, might get overly attached to the other person. This leads to a condition known as codependency.
This happens when a person in a relationship gets dependent on the other person for emotional and other needs and this leads to the breakdown of the former person when the latter gets occupied elsewhere. This condition generally occurs when a person takes care of the other through a rough time, making them feel attached to the aforementioned caregiver.
This leads to mistrust, over-dependence, obsession, controlling, and a lot more negative traits. But there are some self-help books that people can read to gain knowledge about such situations and handle them.
8 Best Books on Codependency that will definitely be helpful
#1. The language of letting go
This book is written by Melody Beattie. It accommodates a lot of practices you may take up, to go through the codependency phase with ease. It will help you turn this phase into personal growth and renewal of your personality. It uses the concept that we should understand our utmost responsibility towards ourselves. It discusses how responsibility affects every sphere of our lives. It affects our influence too.
It provides some insights into meditation to help the person go through these moments using the power of faith and believing in themselves. It helps the reader in sturdy recovery from these issues. She helps the reader realize the solutions to codependency and how we can let go of our codependent self. It helps the reader through a journey from codependence to independence and it elaborates on ways to make the transition permanent. It helps us see how we’re the only ones that can help us.
Although most of the practices included in this book are based on Christianity, which is why it is disliked by a number of readers but it is very helpful in the given journey of transformation and would definitely be great to any reader who’s willing to accept it. And on top of everything, it concentrates on more than just codependent relationships by providing some “words of wisdom” in a number of chapters to help in our day-to-day lives.
#2. Codependent no more
This book is written by Melody Beattie. As you can see from the above book too, Melody is one of the most loved American authors that specialize in inspirational work. Even in this book, the author takes us through a lot of information based on codependency. She tries to make the reader analyze what codependency really is. It helps the reader figure out how they can break the wheel of codependency and be free again.
She tries to educate the reader as much as she can about codependency. She helps us understand what it is and remove it from its root and stem. It tries to make us realize how we drift away from our issues due to the problems that people around us have to face. This makes us realize how the drama in our lives increases due to the traumas faced by the other one.
All this book does is helps you realize the true face of your current life and revert it to a place where you weren’t this codependent on others. It helps us how to step away from such a life and go back into the light. She even uses anecdotal records to keep the reader engaged in this self-help book and provides tests and exercises after every chapter to help the reader in a better way. It is quite straightforward and the language used is easily readable.
Some readers rejected it due to being too religious but if taken from an open mind, this book can work wonders.
#3. You’re not crazy, you’re codependent
This book is written by Jeanette Elisabeth Menter. This book tackles the issue of codependency on a much real level. It talks about the families where people grow up around drug addiction, alcoholism, and other such things and causes the new adult to go through several traumatic psychological issues. It talks about how emotional, physical and self-abuse affect a person in their later years.
It discusses how such individuals latch themselves with the happiness, behavior and all other emotional characteristics shown by others. This may lead to issues like anxiety, depression, and neediness, unhealthy relationship, oedipal complex, need for approval or even controlling behavior. She tries to introduce the reader to this concept in a conventionally interactive way to help the reader realize the traits of codependency in a simpler way and move out of it.
#4. Facing codependence
This book is written by Pia Mellody. The author is specialized in the study of drug addiction and alcoholism and her knowledge in the topic is quite appreciated by readers. She elaborates through the medium of this book, how the traumas of a person’s childhood are directly related to their inability to manage a healthy relationship.
She introduces the reader to new concepts like the one about the “precious” or inner child and elaborates on ways of providing an environment for re-parenting to recover from the wounds of the past. She shows the reader how self-love plays a very important role in our day-to-day lives and you may even take a practical approach along with it with a book titled, “Breaking Free” which is a workbook that accompanies this book.
#5. The new codependency
This book is written by Melody Beattie. It is another classic by this author and the simple fact that more than 2 of her books are included in this list means that she is one of the best writers to be respected in this area of study. This helps in establishing her specialty in books that are used for self-help.
By the medium of her previous books, she was able to accommodate the idea of codependency to the rest of the world and provided ways to resolve it too. In this book, she tries to clear out all misconceptions that a person might have about codependency. It presents how the study of this field has evolved and helps you locate the road to recovery.
She differentiates between what codependency is and what it isn’t. She even elaborates on the fact that it is a regular behavior rather than a short term thing. She explains how it may affect us in different ways and how it may keep us in a closed loop that we need to break free from. It helps us in understanding how we might hurt ourselves and others around us in the process and that is why it needs to be taken care of.
She tries to differentiate between resentful giving and heartfelt generosity. She tries to put forward her own opinions on the topic. She tries to elaborate on the concept of codependence in the humblest way possible. She even tries to make the reader aware of the actions they can take to resolve codependency and lead better lives. Such books are the reason that she is one of the best authors on Self-help and inspirational literature.
#6. Conquering Shame and Codependency
This book is written by Darlene Lancer. And as the cover suggests, the author tries to put forward 8 practically proven steps to overcome shame and codependency that might help the reader in building a healthier relationship in turn.
She tries to explain the concepts of shame and codependency in a clear way and helps the reader psycho-analyze themselves over these issues. She elaborates how the feelings of being rejected, exposed or humiliated result in shame and the denial of which nearly destroys the individual’s self-confidence. She even talks about how this promotes codependence.
She tries to accommodate these two concepts quite clearly into the real world and how these two feelings go hand in hand. This affects the individual in an infinite negative space here he/she may never be able to gain confidence or to live over these issues. She even discusses how people aren’t able to move on from their past as they have latched themselves with it and they feel stuck. After all this, she provides the reader with 8 simple steps to get over it.
#7. Empath, Narcissists and Codependency Cycle Recovery
This book is written by Daniel Andersen. The author tries to elaborate on these personalities and helps you keep knowledge of such things along with your own needs into consideration. It describes the given feelings and traits very well and helps the reader be completely aware of these conditions. He tries to break down the concept of emotional sensitivity and susceptibility and makes us realize the effect manipulative people may have on us.
The book helps us to understand that we aren’t responsible for the feelings and actions of others but ourselves and how we must get rid of the guilt we might have over the actions of others. It tries to help us in how to keep us away from being guilty of the problems faced by others and have a healthy mentality.
The author explains all the given terms in the title in excruciating detail and helps the reader out of it. He plays an important role in the recovery of his readers for the betterment of the current society.
#8. Codependency for dummies
This book is written by Darlene Lancer. I have kept the best book for the last and I believe that this is the most helpful book in this list for anyone who experiences codependency issues or even a person who wants to gain information on the topic. This is a trusted manual to break the wheel of codependency and help an individual out of it. And the information given in this book is extremely informative and correct in a variety of ways.
It even covers the topics related to this subject along with the history, symptoms, major causes and even relationship dynamics. It helps the reader in understanding the patterns of codependency and destroy it completely. It even provides the reader with the steps they should take in maintaining healthy boundaries and coping mechanisms that the reader can benefit from.
All in all, it is a great book for people who don’t have much knowledge on this topic or are suffering from it on a full scale and need a way to get out of it.
I hope I was able to help you in figuring out the best book to read in order to gain knowledge about codependence. These books are a part of my own personal reads and have been quite helpful in times of need. If the content was helpful, please leave a like or comment on the post. Any form of criticism is definitely welcome.